Melbourne Pre-Date Planning

Motel
I promised a friend of mine that I would go out on a date with her tomorrow night. She is a really good friend and we've been through quite a bit of shit together. So, I have no intentions of anything but enjoying the night with her. Actually, she has a fiance, but that is not stopping us! We are going out to dinner first, then I think I will take her to one of three bars. Firstly, I may try the "Motel." This is a trendy place which I am constantly refused entry into. The security guy hates me. He says I am not dressed properly everytime, so I guess tomorrow night will be no exception. A medallion membership given to me by the owner (who is a client of mine) still does not matter to this dude. He hates me.

Clarendon
Upon refusal to this bar, I will then go to the "Clarendon," which is aptly named due to its location. It is on Clarendon Street, South Melbourne. Good little bar, small dance floor for the chicks, largish area for mingling and drinking and more drinking. This should be OK.

Icon
Finally, I may choose to go to a bar called "Icon" This is a somewhat trendy establishment too. When the Australian Tennis Open is on, the player's party is always held here. The thing that really impresses me with this bar is, it has about a seven foot long fish tank in the wall behind the bar. The bar is also lit up with a flurescent blue neon lighting effect. I always wonder, because fish supposedly have small brains and a memory of about two seconds, so whenever they hear the music, do they think "shit, what was that noise" then exactly two seconds later, once their memory has gone, do they say "Shit, what was that noise?" and so on all night. You know what they say, small things amuse small minds! The other thing I like about this bar is that there is a huge screen TV at one end of the bar. When football is on, it is brilliant. Further, there is no such dance floor there. The dance floor is the actual bar. Girls love getting up on the bar and dancing all night. Quite often you must order a beer between the legs of a great looking girl. Then, she kicks your drink over doing one of her moves.

The last time I was at Icon, was when we farewelled Chich with a night on the town. Got him pretty pissed which was good, so he probably wouldn't remember too much about it. Also, that night, the hot looking bar staff were all dressed in school uniforms as part of the theme that night for the staff. Mate, attractive girls in their old school uniforms . . . . say no more!

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– written by Mad Dog